This isn't heaven and why all the rocks? Malachi asks....

With the cool evening weather and feeling of fall arriving, I decided to change Bennett's theme from summer to fall. The other day Malachi and I went and put out floral arrangement that I made and to my surprise, new headstone STILL has not arrived.

Let's back step real quick...We picked out a really "unique" headstone that come to find out is difficult to cut the way that it is needed. So, when the headstone FINALLY arrived at the first of August-took 6 wks for them to make- I freaked out. Concerned that it might be my OCD kicking in, I had my husband and best friend look at it for their opinion. Before they ever got to go view it, the guy from the funeral home called me expressing his disapproval of it because the horses head was deformed. He got on the phone to monument company telling them to make us a new one that everyone was dissatisfied, etc. and was told that they would have to start over from a new piece of stone to make one since it is a very rare style and that there are none available in the U.S. (our reason for picking this one!) But that meant another 6 weeks! Well, it has now been 7 weeks and it has not been replaced. They were nice enough though to allow us to keep the deformed one until the other arrives. Hmmm.....

Ok, so back to this week's adventure. Malachi is 4 and of course a smart boy :) Each week he learns and becomes more and more aware of biblical information. When Bennett first passed, my friend/pastor's wife Jamie took Malachi to the cemetery to talk with him about things. From what he would say to me, she did a great job.

Well, this week has been quite challenging.... It started right when we pulled in to the cemetery. "Mommy why are there all these crosses and big rocks in funny shapes?" Well son, when people pass away/die this is where their bodies are buried. "No you are wrong Mommy, Baby Bennett is in heaven with Jesus and this is not heaven so who's horsey rock is that?" Ok, hmmm....Let's not lie and be misleading because I want him to understand, but how do I explain this? Please God I am needing some help! Ok, Malachi when someone dies that has made the right choices and lives their life through Christ, their spirit goes to heaven, but we still need somewhere to put their bodies. When we get to heaven our bodies, like our face, arms, legs,etc. don't go with us. They stay here. And that is what is buried under those rocks along with all of the toys that you bought for Bennett. Was that ok, did he understand, he is looking a little confused... The response..."I got those toys for Bennett to take to Heaven with him so that he could play and now they just in the ground. And does that mean that I should have been put in a box when I was a baby because I want to be with Jesus too!" Well son, if you continue making the right choices than yes one day you will be in Heaven with Jesus and your body buried under one of these rocks. But, you need to wait until God decides he is ready for you to come home to Heaven. Ok, hands in the air. I thought I am taking him to Jamie and James's house. They can help him understand. But than it passed and no more questions.

Today I went back to put up the cross/hook thingy my step dad Tom had made for us to hang pots, wind chimes, etc. from. Everyone's at work and no one around to drop Malachi off with. Oh no, do i need to pray and have God answer some questions to prepare me for his questions. Than I decided suck it up. I want him to feel able to ask anything that he wants and to hopefully be able to answer his questions.

It went pretty well other than the running and confusion of why all the headstones were different, why some had this, and some had others. But the cutest had to be..."Can I ride Bennett's rocking horse?" Um..no. It does not move and does not rock. So, a little bit trip today. I still think that next weekend I might have Jamie take him back, she does so much better with his questions! :)

Bennett's Graveside Fall Look

A Family Update....

Some of you have maybe not had much contact lately with us, etc. so I will try to do a brief (yeah right!) summary. If you have spoken to us within the past few months, than stop reading and move on! :

Let's see Patrick is still selling BS, I mean cars, at Roberts Auto Center. He loves his job! Way too much actually, maybe more than the rest of us. He turned 40 last Wednesday. Yes, my husband is A LOT older than me. I know, but I figure men are so immature that, well we are about the same age mentally/maturity wise. And bless his heart, he is falling apart day by day. He has not done well with his age.

I am still with DaVita Dialysis. I enjoy my job most of the time. But, it is a job. I am also going back to school to complete my RN degree AGAIN. It seems like every time I get accepted in to the program I wind up a prego and have to decline my acceptance. So aiming for Fall of '09 to begin the program. I am just getting all of the small stuff out of the way now so all I have is my true "nursing classes." We lost our baby boy Bennett when I was only 24 weeks along on June 10 so that has been quite a battle and adjustment for all 4 of us. My due date is coming up in a couple of weeks so the feelings are getting stirred up again. So, I apologize ahead of time for the blogs that might be coming soon. :)

John turned 18 over the summer and is trying to enjoy the journey that he is on. He is now a senior due to some credits not transferring from his old private school. He works at the dealership with Patrick and is quite a workaholic. He was recently crushed due to "budget cuts" decreasing his hours drastically so now he only works 3 days a week. I was quite excited thinking that I would have extra help around the house... YEAH RIGHT! When he's not at work, he is with his girlfriend or riding the horses. He also has a daughter named Alli that was born April 28, 2008 that he usually has on the weekends which keeps him very busy as well. (Yes that means I am a grandma at 28!) But, he's young and learning to make better choices. He is a great Son though with a VERY big heart!

Malachi is now 4. He began "big boy" school in August. Parents fear that their children will be scared and not adapt well, etc. but not our kiddo. He loves it. And wants to go everyday of the week. We are enjoying it while it last. I am not sure what he does all day though because when we ask what he learned that day he tells us nothing. Boy, can't wait for parent/teacher conferences!

Patrick also has a daughter named Greer. She turned 12 yesterday, but we do not see her often. It's sad, but basically holidays. She only lives about 2 miles away with her grandfather. It's a very touchy subject for Patrick, but there is nothing we can do. Actually there is, but we are not wanting everyone to be miserable. I just hate it because one day when he is gone and her brother is old enough to see things she will regret it.

My Very First One...

So, I have been looking at Ang and Sara's pages here the past couple of days and decided to join in to the blogging world! Not sure how well it will go because my life is hectic and crazy enough as is. I am sure at first it will be updated often and than monthly that quarterly and so on. Plus our lives are not that exciting! Normal drama, but most of that I can't post on here due to stalkers :)